However,  the most common things couples argue about are money, sex, work, children, and housework - roughly in that order. Most rows start because of differences of opinion, but with patience and basic communication skills and the help of a good therapist, you should be able to negotiate a compromise. As part of your counselling sessions at Here To Listen you will be offered hand outs and self-help worksheets,  so that you can continue working on various aspects of your relationship at home, in your own time, when you want to.

When is the right time?

Some organisations such as Relate, may have long waiting lists, we can offer an appointment within 48 hours of contacting us on 0161 7890547.

Far too many couples leave Counselling until it's too late. By the time of their first appointment, years of bitterness and resentment have built up, and the fear of being hurt blocks out any chance of change. If you're experiencing any of the following, maybe now is the time to consider counselling:

• When you talk to your partner, it feels as though you're hitting a brick wall.
• Your conversations just go round and round in never-ending circles.
• After you've talked, you feel frustrated and confused.
• You can't talk for more than a few minutes without it turning into a shouting match.
• You're afraid that if you bring up a certain subject, things will get even worse.
• There's nothing left to say.

Should we attend Counselling together or alone?

Ideally, you should go to counselling together: it's hard to build a team if only half the players are there. Often, if one person makes the decision to give counselling a try, the partner will decide to go too.

If your partner flatly refuses to join you, there are lots of things counselling can help you sort out on your own. There may be changes you can make alone that will have a positive impact on your relationship. Some people also prefer to have counselling on their own at first to work out their feelings before seeing another Counsellor as a couple

For many couples, the solution is right under their noses - it just takes someone objective to see what it is. It's like the saying "You can't see the wood for the trees" - counsellors are trained wood-spotters!

If you find the same old issues come up over and over again, or as soon as one issue's resolved another crops up, then there's more going on than meets the eye. Below are some common reasons.

Fighting for your deeper needs: 

Couples often use topics such as money, sex or housework to fight for their deeper needs within a relationship.  For example, an argument over who should pay for what may really be about where the responsibility lies and who's got the power in this situation. Rows about housework are often about unfilled needs for respect and worth, and arguing about how often to have sex is nearly always about feeling loved and cared for, and deeper needs for connection and affection.

Hidden pay-offs: 

For some couples arguing actually plays a beneficial role, as it may be the only time they get to share their feelings. It can also add excitement to a relationship or be a way of getting attention.

Arguing can be worth the pain because of the joy of making up. And when you make up you get to reaffirm your love for each other.

If you find the same old issues come up over and over again, or as soon as one issue's resolved another crops up, then there's more going on than meets the eye. Below are some common reasons.

Unresolved  issues: 

Sometimes people find they're fighting battles that have far more to do with the past than the present. Feelings of rejection or betrayal in childhood can create hot buttons that partners press without realising.

For example, a partner whose parent left suddenly in childhood may find themselves overreacting to a hastily arranged business trip. Or a partner who was always forced to do gardening as a punishment when a child may become irrationally angry when asked to mow the lawn.

Sensitive subjects:

 If there are taboo subjects in your relationship that always cause a storm, you need to mention them more often. If you don't, they can become time bombs. Taboo subjects can include things such as a forgotten birthday or a time when you felt your partner wasn't there for you. Often it's something that represents a serious breach of trust such as an affair or a breaking of confidence. Burying old relationship problems is OK, but you have to make sure they're dead first.

Just remember:

beneath the surface of an argument often lurks a much deeper issue, desperate to be let out and looked at - and you'll keep on arguing until you do.

Possible outcomes of Counselling may be:

Lump it – for some reason change isn’t possible, but you decide there is enough about your relationship that makes you want to stay together.

Leave it – you and your partner can’t or won’t change and you decide to split up

Change it – you and your partner decide to alter the situation, and work together to make changes so that the relationship improves.

Contact us now for an appointment on 0161 7890547 - no long waiting list, appointments available evenings and Saturday mornings.

If there is violence:

Violence or threats of violence are never acceptable in any relationship. If arguments are always aggressive or you avoid conflict because you’re scared things may get our of control, you need support. You can contact any Police Station or check out Yellow Pages for other supportive agencies that you can contact for instant assistance.