Jealousy can put a huge strain on a relationship, leaving one partner feeling as though they're constantly
walking on eggshells to avoid a jealous reaction. The jealous partner, often aware of their problem, swings between anger,
self-blame, insecurity and absolute justification. And if left that way, what otherwise could have been a long and happy relationship
is destined to failure.
Jealousy is actually quite complex, involving a myriad of thoughts, emotions and behaviours.
Thoughts range from blame to comparison to self-pity. Emotions range from pain, anger and rage, to sadness and humiliation.
This often leads to aggressive and possibly even violent behaviour.
Jealousy is an instinctive emotion that arises most commonly
in people who do not feel sufficiently worthy to retain affection and respect purely on their own merits. It is often a lack
of self-esteem that causes someone to attempt to constrain the behaviour of their friends and lovers, when in fact those constraints
and the emotions that they represent are far more likely to damage the relationships they are intended to protect.
What
is jealousy?
We've all experienced jealousy at some time in our lives, although the reasons why each of us
gets jealous and the emotions we feel may differ.
Jealousy
is a complex reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality". Unlike envy, it always involves
a fear of loss and three people.
Jealousy is a "complex reaction" because it involves such a wide range
of emotions, thoughts and behaviours.
Emotions - pain,
anger, rage, sadness, envy, fear, grief, humiliation.
Thoughts - resentment, blame, comparison with the rival, worry about image, self-pity.
Behaviours - feeling faint, trembling and sweating, constant questioning and seeking reassurance,
aggressive actions, even violence.
How jealousy damages love:
Sometimes jealous feelings can get out of proportion. For example, when a man makes
an embarrassing scene at a party because his wife accepts an invitation to dance with an old friend, or when a woman is overwhelmed
with jealousy because her husband's company appoints a female boss.
These kinds of reaction can put a huge strain on a relationship,
leaving the other partner feeling as though they're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid a jealous reaction. The jealous
partner, often aware of their problem, swings between self-blame and justification.
If you're the
jealous one:
Overcoming jealousy takes patience and
hard work. If you feel your jealousy stems from issues in childhood, you may find counselling or Hypnotherapy are useful. If you're
recovering from an affair, you'll need to deal with those issues first.
Here
are some things you can do for yourself:
Give yourself a reality check - take a good look at those things
that trigger your jealousy and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What evidence do you have that your relationship
is in danger? And is your behaviour actually making the situation worse?
Use positive self-talk - when you start
feeling the twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you, is committed to you and respects you. Tell yourself
you're a loveable person and that nothing's going on.
Seek reassurance - one of the best ways to beat jealousy is
to ask your partner for reassurance. Make sure you don't nag or bully, but rather share your insecurities and ask them
to help you overcome the problem.
Living with a jealous partner:
Having a jealous partner
can be exhausting. Here are some ideas that may help ease their jealousy:
Think of the problem in a different
way - remember that jealousy is a sign of love. If your partner didn't value your relationship, you wouldn't be having
this problem. Rather than becoming defensive, try to be understanding and supportive.
Check your behaviour -
if you know that certain behaviours trigger your partner's jealousy, change them if you can if only until the problem
has been overcome. Be sure to stick to any agreements you've made, too, but avoid making promises you'll find difficult
to keep, such as always being contactable.
Build your partner's confidence - be sure to take every opportunity to tell
your partner how much you love them and why you wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Give lots of compliments and talk
about the wonderful future you're looking forward to spending with them.
Occasional jealousy is natural and can
keep a relationship alive, but when it becomes intense or irrational it can seriously damage a relationship.
What this Self-Hypnosis
Session can do for you:
Feelings of jealousy are very closely connected to feelings of low self-esteem, feelings
of insecurity, inadequacy, and vulnerability, but they are even more closely connected to how your mind works, how you process
information, how you interoperate the world around you, and this affects emotions and behaviours.
This processing of information becomes your core belief system. Your belief system originates
from your earliest childhood experiences, these experiences are then added to during adolescence, and by the time you reach
adulthood, you will have installed in your mind a huge amount of information, some of which you will have rejected outright
as contrary to your belief system, and some you will accept, and all the information that you accept, you will regard as rational
and logical. But there is flaw in this process, because what you have accepted as rational and logical might not be so. An
example of what is known as a dysfunctional way of thinking is, “if I love someone enough they will love me back”,
or, “I must be perfectly competent and entirely successful before I can be happy with myself”. If these thoughts
seem rational, and logical, they will clash with reality, because in the real world, the belief behind these statements is
far from rational or logical.
When this type of belief system
clashes with others, that are indeed rational and logical, it causes distress to the person who holds these irrational and
illogical values as the real truth; all the
time believing that it is others that need to change, act differently or agree with their point of view.
No one wants to change so much of a person’s personality that they
are no longer a unique individual, but if negative automatic thoughts, and irrational, illogical thinking is disrupting your
relationships with others; it’s time to make some changes.
By using this Self-Hypnosis Audio CD or mp3 download,
you can combine the benefits of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Techniques and Hypnotherapy, this two pronged
approach will help you combat your feelings of jealousy. With this form of therapy, the more
you listen to the recording, the more it will assist in changing how you think, feel and react; boosting your feelings of self-worth to stop you feeling as though you
have to compete. Encouraging you to feel good enough about yourself to realise that you don’t need to compete, and the
feelings of jealousy will begin to reduce until they disappear, or the feelings are kept at an acceptable level that causes
no conflict in your personal life, social life or your work life.